It is about 25 days since my mother came to visit and i'm just about getting around to wanting to write about it. Rather than sound like a story out of a Jhumpa Lahiri collection, I'm going to put down a few thougths - random thoughts - make that 25 random thoughts about my mother and me. (Jhumpa does not write about mother-daughter relationships, for some reason. Most of her stories that are all based on relationships, are between two people of the opposite sex. Like daughter-father, brother- sister, and of course the unrelated male-female.Now i wonder why and what my analyst friend would have to say about that ;-))
My mother is the most beautiful person in the world. She takes time to dress but when she does make the effort, it is to kill. She was 73 in Jan
She is passionate about her country and it's politics. A staunch rightist, she makes no bones about her beliefs that the country needs some stern management rather than constant appeasement. If you don't believe that you may as well go fly a kite rather than make her change her mind.
She loved to eat out once, but can't any more. Her constitution is delicate and needs care. She regrets indiscretions but it is usually after the eating. That sometimes causes problems.
She dances like no one's looking. When someone saw her this time they asked me who she was. 'My mother,' i replied. The lady said, 'My kind of girl.' with such pride in her eyes, i wondered who was the daugther, me or her. I was envious of that lady's appreciation of my mother.
She loves honey and told me, 'A spoonful every day eaten with almonds is good for health. I have that everyday.' As if i did not remember. She left the bottle behind for me. Looking at it makes me cry.
When i ask if she is having her tests done regularly she hurriedly confirms and says, 'My life is done. Are you having your tests done?'
Her smell was still in the room when i came back from the airport after dropping her. It was a combination of cold cream, insense, powder and her own smell. It stayed for a whole day. I know because i went in twice. The second time it had almost gone.
She still thinks perfume is only to be used for parties though she now owns a few different bottles - actually everytime i visit, she sniffs the air appreciatively and asks, what is that you're wearing? And i always leave the bottle behind. I have never bought her a bottle of perfume, just left a little of me for her, as she says.
She came with a walking stick saying she needs it now. When she left, she forgot it behind. When i was concerned as to how she'd manage without it at the airport, she said, 'I think i'll manage. I don't think i needed it really.'
She wears the most brilliant colours - pinks yellows blues greens and oranges - with ablomb.
She always calls every single holiday she has with us the best ever. 'Who else will spoil me and show me such a good time as you do,' she asks each time. 'But this one is the best ever,' she also adds.
She never feels hot. Hates air-conditioning. Loves fresh air.
Sometimes i feel she loves her mother more than she loves me. Unfair of me, but what do you expect when she talks of her all the time.
She got home and said it was great to be back
She thinks she may need a cataract operation soon and i know she's really scared about it.
She talks as if there is no tomorrow and there need not be anyone listening either.
Her suitcase had about 40 saris in it for a 10 day visit. Plus a torch, a transistor radio.
She had a pedicure with me for the first time in about three years. The last time, i had given her one myself.
She owns one bra, and she'd forgotten to bring that. She doesn't really wear one nowadays, but she thought she should wear one while she was with us. I bought her two. She never wore them.
I know she'll never read this because she is so tech non-savvy. But she will read my book when it is out and frankly it scares me.
I heard her say the F word. I still say fish in front of my kids. But she said it clearly and loudly as if she really meant it.
She went to see a movie the day after she got back and told me all about it on the phone.
She carries her prayer books and idols everywhere she goes and she set up her temporary shrine in the corner of the room, exactly where i thought she would. She prayed thrice a day and the whole house reverberated with her singing and praying. She said prayers at the dining table with all of us - a first for my kids.
I bought slippers for her. The pair she was wearing was absolutely appaling. She told me i had bought it for her the last time. But i told her that was about three years ago. She said it was alright, she liked my choice of slippers. They seemed to do her well.
She went into a fit of depression one day and it was difficult to communicate with her that day. She felt bad about it the next day, when she bounced back. For the first time, everyone had behaved as if nothing had been the matter and everything was just fine even when she was not feeling that good. We all dealt with it really well and i was happy. We just learnt to love her in whatever mood she was.
I listened to late seventies film music with her, of films we'd watched together. And i had to leave the room cause i could not hold back my tears. She just had her eyes closed, listening, and did not notice.
She had the best conversation with Mallika, she said, when i could not come to the table for lunch one day since i was having myself waxed upstairs in my room. It was just the two of them and Mallika told her all about her dancing.
She told me everyday that i had the nicest children and they were growing up very well.
She asked once about our summer plans. Not about whether we'd visit her. Just generally.
She was touched beyond words when Aditya put on the news channel for her without her asking
She wore one particular yellow salwar kameez for three days. 'I don't sweat,' she said (in Bombay!) 'Washing is extra work for your servants.'
She rubbed herself with mustard oil everyday. Said it was good for the muscles and joints.
She'd had her front teeth capped about 15 years ago and they have now disintegrated, leaving little stubs. She never had them replaced. I asked her if i could do something about them. She said it was fine. She was doing okay. She did not really need them to chew. Front teeth were mainly cosmetic and if she did not smile too wide, they did not really show. I saw her smile wide and laugh several times and her stubs did show. But i just smiled equally wide and laughed with her.
She promised to come back for Mallika's arangetram in November.
I wasn't counting obviously, just thinking about her and i've written much more than 25 things. But they hardly seem adequate. And i know there will be other opportunities to write more things. Many, many, many, many, many, many, many more.
Beautifully written, as always. Brought a lump to my throat, and happy tears to my eyes. I could just picture it all- I would love to see her dance. Now I know where you and Malli get your dancing genes from!
Posted by: Madhu | May 04, 2009 at 12:11 PM
How beautiful! I just melted.
Posted by: Nagu | March 22, 2010 at 01:18 AM