Cusp of a Marriage

Yesterday was 22 years since we got married and it was a moment to reflect and refresh. The morning began with the news that our daughter had been accepted to a college in the US and come September, she would be going far far away. Thus began our 23^rd year of togetherness – with separation or at least the pangs of imminent separation being set in motion.

 

However togetherness was the theme for the rest of the day. Afterall now, 22 years later, it is as much about the four of us, as the two of us, if not more. The kids briefly left for school where they both had exams to ace. We met at school and went together to the temple where all four of us worshiped in togetherness and peace. It was a moment of deep thanksgiving. Aditya asked me nervously as we approached the sanctum, ‘Mom, it’s a little too busy in there. Tell me quick, what do I say when I’m inside.’ I told him to only and always just say thanks. Then I closed my eyes and said thanks that he asked me that question and once again I could give him that all-important lesson. Life is only about being grateful and I truly was.

 

At lunch we continued to talk about days past. Somehow having lunch with their father will always be special for the kids. Maybe its because they rarely see him at that hour. Maybe he looked like a million dollars in his suit and smart cufflinks. Maybe it was the good food. Maybe we all felt happy. Aditya, once again, was in an expansive mood – God bless him. He made up all the conversation, for a change, while we all ate – that’s a first. He recalled fun times in Hong Kong when we ate together at the club on weekends and Ajay always played games with the kids at the table. Then he told this wonderful little story that he remembered about the first time he held his breath under water, held firmly at the armpits by his father. He put his head down and Ajay began counting, he recalls, for the game was about how long he could stay in. And the counting went very quickly from 1,2,4….60, 61, 62… Aditya remembers how it was always around the same number when he came up gasping for breath after about 6 seconds. He was always reassured that he had been under for over a minute. He says he did not know then, but he knows now how much his father wanted him to believe he had done something amazing. We were all amused by Aditya’s story and by how many things he remembered. We felt very close all over again as lunch continued this way until it finally drew to a close.

 

Ajay came home early and we decided to stay in as Aditya was not feeling too well. We just wanted to be quiet and close and not have to go out because we really did not want to. Who had the need to go out for dinner – no one really – so why go out we felt? Both kids were studying for their exams the next day, Ajay and I were around them and we enjoyed being that way. I read my favourite yoga text. Ajay pottered and cleaned and did his favourite thing – downloaded music. Aditya started to feel a little worse so we took him to the doctor. I’m really glad we were around and so was he. Immediately after seeing the doctor, Adiyta felt better and was able to settle down. He felt calm and relaxed knowing that all was well and we were still around. At one point when he was throwing up his medicine and not being able to swallow it, I did feel as if we were celebrating one of our earlier anniversaries and that he was about 2! Not that much seemed to have changed…but I was not sad about that – quite grateful actually. Maybe children are the secret of an evergreen marriage – they don’t really grow up, so you feel like young newly marrieds all the time.

Then this morning came around – the day after our anniversary – really the first day of the 23^rd year of our marriage. The excitement of yesterday of over and we were just the two of us again – like we were in the beginning and we will be at the end. I felt as much like celebrating today, than even the day of our marriage. Because this is when it all really began – this was the day. And today after 22 years, I still felt as if I was on the cusp of something - new discoveries, new joys, little happinesses, big joys, small disappointments, big realizations. And it did dawn on me in a flash – that this is what marriage is all about – about always feeling on the cusp – never over and done with. It is keeping the freshness as much as enjoying it.

 

For everytime I step out for a walk with Ajay like we did this morning, I am excited. Because I know this is the time he will share and I will discover. He will understand and agree, we will discuss matters, give and seek advice, sort things, examine options, come to decisions. It’s an ever-new walk, for what we get out of it is always new and different. Our year began with such a walk of discovering and helping each other on our respective and joint journeys. It was the cusp of a new year – just dawning – rosy and bright. There will be many steps we will walk together before the sun sets on this year, just so a new year may dawn again. And again...

 

Comments

[deepa soman]

This was so special to read. I missed wishing you and Ajay somehow. Belated wishes. Children truly ARE the secret of an evergreen marriage. The last para most of all on the walking meditation on each other is another very important secret to a great marriage, is it not?! Wonderful to be journeying through life together...

[MOHYNA]

Thanks Deepa. It is so special to be able to share deeper thoughts and feelings with you. Sometimes i feel inspired to write the blog only so you may read.