An Alchemist's Blog

The 12 Gifts of a New Year

Each year comes with 12 gifts that we know we are going to have no matter that. These are 12 distinct parcels of time - the 12 months. I am giving myself 12 special gifts each month. 

In January, i will give myself breath. I will begin the year by concentrating on my breathing. It is a cold time of year and my breath tends to become short and inadequate. I will begin the year with good health for my lungs. This will include pranayam of course, but even just breathing each breath fully and consciously. Since breath will be the focus, i will read about breathing, correct practices and will self educate myself about something basic like breathing that we never really do properly. I promise myself full breaths with January. 

With February i will gift myself self-discipline. The cold weather will be waning - time to get back in shape. I gift myself self-discipline in meditation, pranayam, yoga practice, exercise, eating, rest and writing. This will be a month of routines and timings, weighing and measuring, no sweets and savouries, no coffee. Its a good time to get the weighty issues out of the way early in the year! I hope to remain healthy and active in an altogether beneficial way. 

With March i wish for a shift in focus to being compassionate. i hope to focus my energies a little bit outside to understand the pain of others around me and to do whatever i can. It could mean being compassionate by always seeing the other point of view, be it the kids, my husband, the help in the house and spreading the circle outward. The happiness of one's being needs to radiate outward and touch other lives. By gifting myself the feeling of compassion i hope to give it sharper focus and importance. 

April i pray will be about the family and travel. It will be about sharing space and time during spring break at the beginning of the month. I hope we can create and file away some good times together. It will be a time for energizing, revving up, firing on all cylinders, living life to the max, letting go, having fun, being yourself, letting others be themselves, respecting, loving and caring. 

May will bring the gift of grounding. I hope to get back to ground without a thud. I hope to practice always being aware of the way my feet touch the ground. In May i seek ground - going back to basics - being myself and keeping in touch with my deepest instincts. 

June i pray to be about focus. It marks my birthday and i want to focus on an object of importance to me. I would like to first find that focus and then to practice dhyana and dharana related to that object. I would cherish a pilgrimage in this time - a visit to a place of great spiritual importance. May God divine it. 

July will be the gift of motherhood once again. I want to feel what it means to be a mother as a focus for me as i prepare to let my Mallika go after 18 years. She will turn 18 this month and will soon fly the nest. July is going to be my gift for her. All the time, attention, planning will be for her. We will travel a bit, I'm sure, but it will always be about spending as much time as we can together - with awareness. 

August will be about restraint. I would like to gift myself restraint in every way - in speech, in action, in force, in emotions. I hope to give myself equanimity so i can get ready for the major upheaval Sept will bring. I wish myself organization, planning and giving attention to small details in arranging Mallika's departure for the US. 

September i will gift myself the ability to let go and of detachment. I will let go of Mallika with tenderness and love, great hope and happiness. Her life will begin in a new phase this month and she will be the focus of my attention again but from a distance and with happiness. I will focus on my Aditya as well as he will need me more than anyone else. It will be a time of the three of us - Ajay, Aditya and me coming together as a new unit - one without Mallika. I hope to do things that will bring happiness and joy to the two men in my life, like cook for them!

Oct i hope to give myself the gift of spontaneity. No planning...no control...just acceptance. Take each thing as it comes with gratitude and happiness. No lists, no to do...just freedom. 

November i want to try and overcome a fear. Maybe try out an asana that scares me. Or do something new. Something that challenges me. Something that throws me outside my comfort zone. I want to have the guts to do something i've not done before - learn to drive again?

December i hope to live in gratitude. Pure and deep gratitude for everything and everyone. 

I wish the twelve months flow into each other, mingle and mix and create a beautiful symphony otherwise known as life. 

These are my 12 gifts to me next year. And what are yours?

 

Cusp of a Marriage

Yesterday was 22 years since we got married and it was a moment to reflect and refresh. The morning began with the news that our daughter had been accepted to a college in the US and come September, she would be going far far away. Thus began our 23^rd year of togetherness – with separation or at least the pangs of imminent separation being set in motion.

 

However togetherness was the theme for the rest of the day. Afterall now, 22 years later, it is as much about the four of us, as the two of us, if not more. The kids briefly left for school where they both had exams to ace. We met at school and went together to the temple where all four of us worshiped in togetherness and peace. It was a moment of deep thanksgiving. Aditya asked me nervously as we approached the sanctum, ‘Mom, it’s a little too busy in there. Tell me quick, what do I say when I’m inside.’ I told him to only and always just say thanks. Then I closed my eyes and said thanks that he asked me that question and once again I could give him that all-important lesson. Life is only about being grateful and I truly was.

 

At lunch we continued to talk about days past. Somehow having lunch with their father will always be special for the kids. Maybe its because they rarely see him at that hour. Maybe he looked like a million dollars in his suit and smart cufflinks. Maybe it was the good food. Maybe we all felt happy. Aditya, once again, was in an expansive mood – God bless him. He made up all the conversation, for a change, while we all ate – that’s a first. He recalled fun times in Hong Kong when we ate together at the club on weekends and Ajay always played games with the kids at the table. Then he told this wonderful little story that he remembered about the first time he held his breath under water, held firmly at the armpits by his father. He put his head down and Ajay began counting, he recalls, for the game was about how long he could stay in. And the counting went very quickly from 1,2,4….60, 61, 62… Aditya remembers how it was always around the same number when he came up gasping for breath after about 6 seconds. He was always reassured that he had been under for over a minute. He says he did not know then, but he knows now how much his father wanted him to believe he had done something amazing. We were all amused by Aditya’s story and by how many things he remembered. We felt very close all over again as lunch continued this way until it finally drew to a close.

 

Ajay came home early and we decided to stay in as Aditya was not feeling too well. We just wanted to be quiet and close and not have to go out because we really did not want to. Who had the need to go out for dinner – no one really – so why go out we felt? Both kids were studying for their exams the next day, Ajay and I were around them and we enjoyed being that way. I read my favourite yoga text. Ajay pottered and cleaned and did his favourite thing – downloaded music. Aditya started to feel a little worse so we took him to the doctor. I’m really glad we were around and so was he. Immediately after seeing the doctor, Adiyta felt better and was able to settle down. He felt calm and relaxed knowing that all was well and we were still around. At one point when he was throwing up his medicine and not being able to swallow it, I did feel as if we were celebrating one of our earlier anniversaries and that he was about 2! Not that much seemed to have changed…but I was not sad about that – quite grateful actually. Maybe children are the secret of an evergreen marriage – they don’t really grow up, so you feel like young newly marrieds all the time.

Then this morning came around – the day after our anniversary – really the first day of the 23^rd year of our marriage. The excitement of yesterday of over and we were just the two of us again – like we were in the beginning and we will be at the end. I felt as much like celebrating today, than even the day of our marriage. Because this is when it all really began – this was the day. And today after 22 years, I still felt as if I was on the cusp of something - new discoveries, new joys, little happinesses, big joys, small disappointments, big realizations. And it did dawn on me in a flash – that this is what marriage is all about – about always feeling on the cusp – never over and done with. It is keeping the freshness as much as enjoying it.

 

For everytime I step out for a walk with Ajay like we did this morning, I am excited. Because I know this is the time he will share and I will discover. He will understand and agree, we will discuss matters, give and seek advice, sort things, examine options, come to decisions. It’s an ever-new walk, for what we get out of it is always new and different. Our year began with such a walk of discovering and helping each other on our respective and joint journeys. It was the cusp of a new year – just dawning – rosy and bright. There will be many steps we will walk together before the sun sets on this year, just so a new year may dawn again. And again...