An Alchemist's Blog

River of Love

Marriage is like a river where the two people in the marriage are the two banks. If the woman is the left bank then the man is the right bank. They are both individuals as in they each have their own banks. They express their individuality and their creativity on their banks. If a large grove of mangoes grows on one bank, then on the opposite bank there is a massive rock face - strong and vertical. If one bank yields to the waters on occasion, the other bank holds. There is also a merging of the two individuals in the centre. This merger creates a strong current or flow which is love. From this love flows life and indeed the products of the marriage - the children. In the flow is also sorrow, pain, difficulties and hardships. However if one side was to become tired and slower, the other side still gently flows and therefore the current never stops. The shape of the river may alter from time to time, keeping in mind the tugs and pressures from both sides - the two individuals.

And sometimes there is a flood. Then the water from the left side rushes to the right or the right side occupies the left. There is turmoil and disturbance. But this subsides after a while and the river corrects itself, maintains its boundaries, returns to the same or slightly altered course. 

Like a river a marriage is always meant to move, to flow. It cannot and should not be static. The flow may not be smooth always, but there has to be movement. For with the movement comes the energy, the rush. The movement takes the marriage and the individuals forward on their individual and collective journeys. 

Indeed once the river enters the ocean, the individuals become lost to themselves and to each other. When the soul enters the cosmos, it does not matter anymore, for then all is one. 

Small but Large, Large but Small

We are much larger than we think or give ourselves credit for. If we are just able to close our eyes and go deep deep within ourselves, there is actually a large universe there. All of it fits into our small body which we often disregard and have little understanding of. We contain inside of us, the entire cosmos, several cosmoses, if we like. 

On the other hand when we have a worry, for example if we are late for a dinner appointment, we act as if the whole world is collapsing around us. And the whole world's problems are at our feet because there is traffic or some other irritant in our lives. We snap and act like divas throwing a tantrum (even if not outwardly, inwardly we are resentful and upset). Come on. We are just a small speck's worth of space in this huge universe which is part of a large galaxy which is part of an even larger cosmos. Do our problems really matter and are they really problems? 

Switch perspectives as needed and Think. Be aware! Its awareness week - 52 times a year.

For her eyes only

Vimal is a cheerful woman who works in my house. She cleans and mops and keeps my home sparkling clean. I heard from the other helper that she can barely see. She asks the other one to help her remove cobwebs and other homely debris, not because she is lazy, but she simply cannot see them. The daily sweeping and mopping she does by practice and what an incredible job she does. Never is there an unswept corner or an unmopped crevice in my house - God bless her! I watched her today as she worked without her knowing it. Her sweeping is a little casual if you like, but when it comes to mopping she is like a demon. Not one little particle escapes her attention. Down on the floor on all fours, she gathers all the stray pieces of rubbish with her mop. At that close distance to the floor she can actually see what she is doing. 

I asked the other maid before Vimal arrived if she wants to have a pair of glasses made for herself and that i would have them made. 'Do that!' my helper responded. 'Vimal often tries on your specs when you are not at home and marvels at how well she can see. Have a pair made for her that is exactly like yours.' I was aghast. 'But why should she wear my power. She can have her eyes tested and have them made to hers.' My maid smiled at me as if at a slow child. She already knew the answer to what i had not even considered. 'But she can't read the letters. How can she have her eyes tested? Besides she is frightened.' 'How does she manage?' i persisted, completely distraught at the thought now. 'She uses her husband's glasses at home,' my maid replied. 'They are quite suitable for her, though yours are clearer. She has told me that if you ever throw away a pair of glasses, she wants them. I just laughed and told her, no one throws away glasses, silly. They just get new ones made.' 

I was winded. To imagine this poor woman had no way to relieve her unhappy state was, to me, incredibly sad. I thought back on the stress and tension i had undergone when my own eyes had begun to give me trouble and my vision had blurred (read previous post, For My Eyes Only). I had explored all the options and gone to incredible lengths and expense to get myself 'perfect vision' again. To think Vimal was in a perpetual state of not being able to see clearly and as far as she knew, there was nothing much she could do about it. Except accept. 

Oh my God! How incredible must life be for someone like Vimal - i have absolutely no idea. How fortunate we really are - we will never know. How wonderful Vimal is in accepting her fate so beautifully, for never asking me for something she really needed, specially when she saw pairs of glasses sitting on my bedside as i alternated using them to see which one was more comfortable for me. On the one hand i feel sadness for the way she is unable to alter her state. It is not just financial, but she is helpless and has no education to help her solve her problems. On the other hand i feel immense respect for her fortitude and bravery, for her willingness to accept her fate. This is the woman who has asked me to loan her money twice in large amounts - once when she had to get her daughter married and the second when she had to work out a way to pay a large bribe in order for her son to get a job as a loader in Air India. Both times she worked off every penny she owed, never expecting any write off. She worked her body hard - her only asset, so she could do what she could for her children. Needless to add, her husband is without a job and could not care to get one. She wants a brighter future for them all, she would tell me sometimes, her eyes misting up a little while her lip trembled momentarily. Then she would get on with her work and not give her life a second thought. Her life, i understood now, included failing eyesight as the body she relied on so dearly was beginning to make its presence felt. How insecure she must feel when the only card in her hand was suddenly losing strength. 

She, along with scores of other women deserves better. But the beauty is she does not demand it. She expects it little. She never even dreams of it. I salute Vimal for her acceptance and true surrender to God's will. If there was ever one who made the most of a meagre circumstance it is her. From now on, i wish for the gratitude of Vimal - but that again is selfishness. All she has is her attitude, and that, too, i would like to have. Let me just say, God has the wisdom to give each of us what we get and on our part we need to be happy and to accept with grace. Thank you for giving me your eyes to see this Vimal! 

The Things people Desire

Living in the 'City of Commerce' for almost two decades, even if not at one stretch, i find myself amazed at the things we can and do buy here. It makes up the very heart of the city - all the transactions that take place. When i step into the street for a walk in the evening, all the buying and selling becomes immediately evident as it comes rushing to me from all sides - some inside my head, some outside. Like reading tealeaves in a cup, life can be read from what people desire and hence tend to buy and use:

BMWs

Buildings

Bhel puri

Bananas

Boiled peanuts

(no, this is not alphabetical)

Designer running goods

Haircuts

a self image

Art

a piece of air in the sky (aka an apartment)

Pedigree dogs

Dog walking services (does not include picking up dog litter)

Flutes (I see a flute seller making the rounds of Pali Hill every day, almost)

Balloons

Fragrant lilies

Bombay sandwiches

Coffee

Tattoo adornments

Self confidence

Bagels

Louis Vuitton goods

Love

Boiled eggs

Old Magazines

Vada pav

and Cutting Chai

Coconut water

Jasmine gajra

Pirated DVDs

Donuts

and Diabetes cure

Cinnabon Rolls

Birth control

Weight loss

Antique books

Cigarettes

Education

An open terrace

Diamonds

Hair dye

Peace

Botox boosts

Healthy food

3G services

Cricket bats

3D TVs and Blu ray disc players

And this just a one millionth part of what else the city and indeed the world buys and consumes. Can you imagine the trade, commerce and industry that goes behind each of those things getting to us so we can have them?

I watch a dog lying on the pavement as i walk by. A pretty white woman is petting it. The dog rouses itself, sits up and wags his tail absently. The lady continues to pet his mangy head. Her boyfriend is deep in conversation with someone, apparently asking for directions. They look like a back-packing couple looking for some place. The dog, i notice, has a huge belly - worthy of a small cow. He probably has a tumor the size of a couple of watermelons inside him. She finishes petting him and looks at him with affection before she turns to follow her boyfriend. The dog gives her one last look,too, his rheumy eyes just gazing. When she is gone a few feet, he lies down again on the warm pavement; his permanent rest may still be some time away, but he can rest until then anyway. 

I look again at us spinning in a spiral of consumption, attachment and expectations. And then at the dog - naked and sick, yet content in his square foot of public space. Who is better off, really?