An Alchemist's Blog

Perfect me not

I pray to you this day, my lord, make me anything but a perfectionist.

When I first heard the word, I thought it was so aspirational. My God, how wonderful to be a perfectionist. They would, by definition be the most perfect people, with perfect lives to match. Then at the tender age of 7 or 8, I heard my mother say, "I'm a perfectionist." That was it. Now i was sure it was the greatest asset on earth. So without knowing how to become one, I decided I'd be a perfectionist, too, when i grew up.

Now when I look back, perfectionism is nothing but another obsessive disorder. It is as debilitating as an illness. The idea of life, after all, is not to be a slave to anything, even if it is something as 'noble' as perfection.

So, God, I pray to you, give me back this day my freedom and make me not a perfectionist.

My mother was struck by a stroke at the age of 47 (that's 3 years older than what I am today!). I suspect it was her quest for perfection that drove her to ill-health, finally bringing on the stroke. She was a worrier, too, since the two maladies normally feed off each other, and when it all got too much, the coma she went into took care of her.

I'm happy she is with us today, 25 years later, healthy still and living life with unmatched zest. The only thing she lost (along with left peripheral vision) was her obsession with perfection. Now the world moves as per her needs. Lunch time is when she gets hungry. Her house is ram-shackle at times, but there is always homemade ice-cream in the freezer and her to-die-for mango pickle in the martbaan. She prays with a devotion that is unmatched, her faith touching everyone she meets. She's a bold dresser, often wearing colours even a 17 year old would shudder to. She sports a wide brimmed hat over her salwar kameez to protect her beautiful fair countenance in the burning heat of summer and waves innocently at those who stop to stare at her. She reads for pleasure, never to keep up with the latest buzz. She wears her politics on her sleeve but seldom bears a grudge towards others who do so, too. She's impulsive as a child; as readily splurging money on a piece of jewelry, as on an operation for a near deaf under-privileged child she happened to meet.

She's no where near perfect. She's my mother.

Thought for a slow day

S l o w  D o w n . . .

Slow down you move too fast, you've got to make the moment last.

We've heard it a million times and the concept is easy to comprehend. It makes sense, just wish we could do it, huh? Well, I'm in a mood where I look for answers, not just raise questions. I'm trying this out so let me know if it works for you.

I woke up this morning with a meeting to attend in school. There was a flurry of activity early morning with three members of the family required to leave the house all at once by 7.30am without biting each other's heads off. Besides there were other things to take care of for the fourth member of the house who would  be leaving home shortly and so on and so forth. By the end there were still things to do and four minutes to do them in. So guess what I did. I did each one real s l o w.

I spoke slowly to the maid and told her what she was to do while i was away. She understood straight away. (first time she's ever done that)

I combed out my hair neatly and bundled it up without having to re-do it since there were no bits sticking out at awkward angles.

I calmly asked my son if he had taken everything he needed and he replied surprised, but calm, that indeed he had all his stuff and when he did forget his PE bag, he calmly walked back into the house and got it. We waited serenely in the lift, but were finally on our way, just a little later than any other day, but much much happier.

I'm sure you're getting the general drift of where this is going.

Next we calmly told the driver to drive to school, but a little faster than normal if he would, please. He rose to the ocassion with amazing efficiency and drove expertly yet calmly all the way to school.

Needless to say, we made it on time, were able to gracefully peck each other on the cheek and in general get off to a great start.

During the networking session after the meeting when the parents chatted with each other over coffee, I continued to speak slowly. I was surprising myself by now, but I did not want to speak any faster. I couldn't if I tried. As a result, I thought before I said anything. I recalled the names of most people I was introduced to. I did not volunteer for the technology group because I was thinking before raising my hand. I did say some kind and gentle sounding stuff and another class parent listened and came over to enlist my support for the Culture and Traditions club which is much more my kind of thing.

I've had a wonderfully slow day and it's been great for me. A useful fall-out has been that i completed my job list for today and then calmly went through half the things i needed to do tomorrow as well. Not bad for one of them 'slow' days, eh? ;-)

Thought for the Day

The Smiling Penance :-)

Having attended a meditation and spiritual workshop recently, I came up with the concept of the Smiling Penance. I am sharing it below.

Do the smiling penance! Smile all day! Smile at things common and uncommon! Look at everything as if it has an exclamation mark at the end! Like the rishi-munnis of old who did body and mind penance in the forests and mountains, this is a city penance! Look at everything that the city throws at you with a smile on your face. Smile consciously! Smile unconsciously! Smile at people (that's hard! specially when you see their frowning faces staring back at you!) Smile into space! If nothing else smile at the ground (its the easiest - try it for level 1!) Smile inside yourself! Think of your organs as smiling inside you! Think of every cell smiling! Keep a big big smile inside you and feel it sitting there just where your heart is!

Your thoughts will come down! Mind will be stilled and you feel calmer. Your face will feel relaxed! There will be no creases on your forehead or your face! It will feel smooth and supple and young! Do the smiling penance!

Smile when you speak! Smile inbetween sentences! Smile while you are angry or upset (level 3 and above!) Then watch the anger slip away!

I recommend doing it everyday and for the whole day! But do it as often as you can (as in every time you remember!) No pressure! Just smile :-)